Adventures in Homelessness

I want to share a little story of something that happened today.

I often frequent My Brother's Table, a Soup kitchen catering to the poor and homeless in downtown Lynn, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is my Mentored Ministry, but it's become more than that. These are some friends of mine that I hang out with on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Today, after a rather productive day in getting around and talking to a lot of people at dinner, I didn't think it could get any better... until I met Paul.

Paul caught me on my way to the other side of the building where the Lynn Emergency Shelter (at least that's what I think LES means) is. He asked me if I could spare any change so he could get something to eat. The soup kitchen just closed, so I gave him my last 6 dollars. Now generally, it's not a good idea to give people money because of the general distrust of homeless people (they will spend it on booze or drugs, etc.), but I acted on impulse to what I felt led to do at that moment. Call me a sucker or naive, but I believed him. He thanked me and went on his way...

Or so I thought. He turns around and says to me, "I want to sing you a song." and with that came up to me and started singing Psalms 23 (The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want...). Now, keep in mind, he was incredibly close to me, face to face, so I could smell what was on his breath. He was drunk :) His handshake was calloused, but firm. He asked my name a few times and told me his twice as well. He asked me to help him sing the Psalm and finish the words, as he couldn't quite remember them all, so I did (though I wasn't much better!). Two of us standing in the middle of the sidewalk, trying to figure out the words to Psalms 23; it was quite a scene!

He asked me what church I went to, which I thought was strange because I never brought it up. I told him about ECIC and that it was right down the street. Soon, his tone became more sullen and his voice full of longing. He said to me, "I want to go Home. I want to go Home. Can I go Home with you?" I soon figured out what he meant: He wanted to come to church with me. He wanted to come home to His Father. I told him about Pastor Kurt's sermon this Easter Sunday about how God misses us, and he commented that he's been away for a while. He said he would come next Sunday at 11, which is when I said service was.

Do you think this is real? Did he mean what he said? Was all this just drunk talk? Will he even remember meeting me? Only God knows, but I am excited to see what will happen next Sunday! I'm praying that I will see him again, either on the streets or in church, although something tells me he isn't going to forget my name. At this point, I could care less even if he did use those 6 dollars I gave him to buy beer. It's his money and he can use it how he likes, but it's amazing to think that 6 dollars started a conversation and perhaps even a friendship. I am glad.

The Little Children and Jesus

It's late night on St Patrick's Day, and I'm tired. What a perfect time to do some theology!

Mark 10:13-16

These 4 lines in Mark are probably the most random 4 lines to occur. It occurs between the passage on Divorce (which coincidentally is not about divorce) and the Parable of the Rich Young Man. What are they doing here? It is not like Mark to include extraneous details in his writing. His style is very straight forward and to the point.

There of course is the obvious meaning you can take away: Jesus loves the little children. Such interpretation easily dismisses the 4 lines so the reader can get onto the good part. But not so fast! There is more here than meets the eye.

The disciples are quick to rebuke those bringing him children, quick to say "These are not worthy of the Name." The NIV translates Jesus' reaction as one of Indignation. Clearly it was not his will that any should be denied his presence, not even the smallest of society. But who are these children now? How does one exactly receive the kingdom like a child?

I've heard it said that to receive like a child is to have the characteristics of a child. When you think of children, what adjectives come to mind? Innocence, purity, curiosity, joyfulness, playfulness, etc. There are a ton of good ones, however I can think of a few on the contrary: Selfish, greedy, egocentric, temperamental, disobedient, etc. I'm not sure I buy into the idea that Children are innocent. If my experience in elementary school was true, children do some intentionally mean things to belittle and exclude others. Don't let them fool you, they no exactly how to hurt someone else. Children learn to lie at a very early age as well, and we all know that lying is a gift of the Devil, in fact his very language (John 8:44). Not my idea of innocent at all.

However, they are innocent in a certain regard: They do not know any better. They are childish because they lack maturity, blameless because they lack discipline. Can a child of 8 be punished as severely for theft as an adult of 28? How then does a child receive anything if it is not first instructed to him? Paul uses the metaphor of "spiritual children", placing himself as a "father". They are still children for they have not yet matured. And what does it mean to be mature?

Lets look at Matthew 5:48 "You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (ESV) This is impossible with the understanding that man is fallen and cannot attain perfection meaning pure, spotless, and free of blemish. That which is unclean cannot make itself clean. This isn't a statement of how God is going to cleanse you (although he does indeed do that) but rather it's an exhortation. However there is another meaning of the Greek word used here and translated as Perfect: To be mature in a moral sense. In context, this makes sense. Let me outline the points of Matthew 5:43 (this could apply for the context of the whole book on what "maturity" looks like, but for brevity I'll just do the local context):

• Love your enemies
• Pray for those who persecute you
• Why? So that you may be SONS (aka children) of your father in heaven
• If you love only those who love you, how is that different than normal?
• If you only greet your brothers, how is that any different than anyone else?
• Therefore: Be "perfect" (or "Morally mature")

How does a child receive anything? In Greco-Roman and Jewish context, how does a male child (aka Son) receive anything? By inheritance. (on a side note: this does not mean women cannot receive the kingdom of God! It's not chauvinist or sexist in any regard, but is how contextually people of the culture would understand that there is inheritance involved. Son does not denote "Male only" as much as it culturally does as "the one who receives inheritance". Sadly, no matter how many languages we can translate the Bible into, there is no translation for culture.) When does a child receive his inheritance? When he is fully grown, mature and responsible, and generally after the Father dies (exception: see the Prodigal Son). God the father has "died" through the Son so that we may share in the inheritance that only rightfully belongs to Christ. That is, of course, on the basis that we mature. You do not give a child 100 Grand (unless it's the candy bar) until he is ready. So too do I believe the Kingdom of God is this way.

It is by grace alone that one can be part of the Kingdom (It's ultimately God's decision) however, if we are not ready to receive then we are not ready to receive. I could daresay, even if we believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God who died for our sins, but are not mature (as outlined before), how can we inherit salvation? Indeed we must work out our salvation as Paul writes, but it is up to the Most compassionate God to ultimately bestow (which He does freely with the death of His son Jesus). We sang a song in Chapel today that touched my heart: Before the throne of God. This line especially: "For God, the Just, is satisfied//To look on Him and pardon me"

Do you think I'm done explaining these 4 lines from Mark yet as I understand it? Actually, I'm figuring it out as I go along, so I'm glad you are here for the ride. I've only explained Verse 15!

Let's get back to the disciples and why Jesus was indignant. I said before that they were denying some the right to be in Jesus' presence, something that was not alright with Jesus. I also mentioned the Children before as being blameless on part of their lack of maturity. As I see it, the reference to child in verse 15 has nothing to do with the children in verse 14. That latter one is actually talking about someone who can be held blameless because they do not know any better. To put it bluntly, I'm talking about non-Christians.

I know it's a stretch, but hear me out on this. Why are Christians viewed as judgmental? It may be because we deem certain people acceptable to be in Jesus' presence and others not so much. In particular, I'm thinking about the GLBT community, but others as well. Like the disciples, we too control (or try to) who gets access to Jesus. We rebuke those who try to get too close when they are unworthy. Hmmm... I wonder what Jesus would have to say about this. Maybe something along the lines of verse 14?

Can you really hold a non-Christian person to Christian morality? Why be indignant that they don't follow "rules" for a God they want nothing of? If a child pokes fun at you or hits you, are you angry with them? Do you hit them back and call them names? I certainly hope not! Because they don't play by our morality, they are unrestricted in what they can or cannot do, while we on the other hand sacrifice our freedoms to do only those things which are edifying to Christ. If a non-Christian were to curse you out, why use profane language back? If one were to steal your wallet, why arrest him? Give it to him so that he may not be a thief (and be in sin), but one who has received grace as you have received it. Or be pissed off, angry, and upset that some lunatic stole your wallet. Your choice, but remember you are held to a higher morality, you must be "perfect". (note: This is not a call to find your Christian friends and do mean things to them because you know they can't do anything back. Most of us try, but if you push us to far, we'll push back and ask for forgiveness later ;) )

As I like to say nowadays: Morality that forces itself on others is not morality at all. I want him to do X because I do X is not justification that X is right. I abstain from sexual relations, so ALL people must! I am heterosexual, therefore all people must be! That way I can brag about how much I've abstained compared to others, or how moral I am before the Lord. Do you see the trap here? Morality that forces itself invites comparison, and with comparison, competition, and with competition, Pride, the ugliest of all sin (for indeed all sins stem from Pride).

All this to say that line 14 carries a lot of weight. Do not think so highly of yourself that you can say "Surely I can be in Christ's presence, but not they!" Do not block Christ's children from coming to him (for Christ died not for some but for ALL) and at the same time receive for yourselves the Kingdom of God like a child. Hold to Jesus' teachings and mature for the coming Kingdom. And all of this comes from four easily skipped lines!

I'll conclude with this:

7 Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness;8 for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.9 The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance.10 For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe. (1 Timothy 4:7-10 ESV)

Loving Brother In Christ,

John Dao

Paper Boats

An original poem written and performed for KALOS, GCTS's premiere arts journal.

Two of us sitting on a paper boat

folded up origami we learn to float

sitting on the edge

we stare into the deep

just the two of us, starting to dream

And I don't know where I've come from

and I don't know where I'll go

I know I don't have the answers

but theres no need to know

I'll sail with you till morning

and we'll find our rest at sea

I know Papa's at home waiting

waiting on you to come with me

Lazily gazing at the stars

just the two of us but who knows where we are?

making fishing poles

out of shoestring

to pass the time we started to sing

And I swear I saw the moon

but it was just the pool of your eyes

calling me to come home

but Lord knows I've tried

Where on Earth can I hide

from the moon always at my side

Though I don't see it all the time

I know it hangs there in the sky

And it makes me shiver with what could be

but I think you mistook a better man for me

'cause I'm not who you think I am

I'm not who you think I am

I'm not who I think I am

but you think I am

You think I am

You think, I am

You think.

I am.

The Holy Spirit and the e-persona

One of my favorite pastimes for as long as I can remember has been games. All sorts of games: video, board, card, ball, etc. With the invention of the computer, and later on, the internet, gaming took a whole new form. Out of this came an entire subculture of people, rightly known as gamers, who spend much of their time on computers. The gamer culture has it's own jargon (words like 1337, noob, pwn. etc) and manners (for instance, typing in ALL CAPS is frowned upon). On the internet, you can be whoever you like with impunity. You can say whatever you want from behind a veil on anonymity. But here's the question, can you be a Christian online?

I have an internet persona very different than my social persona. Becoming a Christian, my social persona started to change more and more, however my internet persona remained the same. I struggle with this every time I'm playing a computer game or around a chat room. I'm writing about this now because of this intriguing article I read in Christianity Today:

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/marchweb-only/20-12.0.html

I find it curious how Christians behave on the internet, often times in the most atrocious manners. Moreover, I find it interesting how I choose to behave on the internet, and what I say that I would never say out loud. In the privacy of my own room, behind an IP and username, I can express myself without inhibition. There is something about this combination that makes people think that they can keep this all a secret, as if closing a door or web browser can hide things from God.

The temptations that lie in the virtual world are wide and varied. The temptations one faces to "flame" (i.e. belittle, berate, and generally put down) someone on the internet is great at times, because you act without social impunity. Racism and sexism, mostly salient IRL (in real life), run rampant as people can express how they truly and honestly feel. Not only that, it is fun and acceptable. "You can say what you want; It's the internet, learn to take a joke" is the general sentiment. If someone flames you, you flame back. It's even a past time for some people to see how many people they can piss off (called "trolling"). People aren't people on the internet, just object for amusement. In the same way, people aren't people while driving, just obstacles. recently I've been fond of this saying, "you just can't identify a Christian by the way they drive (and the obscenities they mutter)." Lord knows I'm guilty too, but this is another post.

It's entirely bothersome how I can be one person one moment, and a different one the next. Jesus didn't live in an age where this temptation existed. But you got to ask yourself, is God also the God of the internet? The God of the Virtual?

It's seems crazy to say "I believe He is God of everything" and pretend he does not reign or exist on the Internet. I often act like He isn't there, because it's easy to pretend. Imagine if Jesus pulled up every single chat log I ever had, would he approve? Can the Holy Spirit transform my virtual life and persona as well? That depends on if I let Him.

If I were to be more like Paul, and "preach Christ" in everything I do, then the internet is no exception. The internet is a world created by men, and God is scarcely found there. I do not mean to say that we should try and "save" the Internet. It is already a fallen world because it was by the hand of man it was created. Nor do I mean to say we should be making Christian websites to "convert" people. It's hard nowadays to get things done without the internet, so while we are there, why shouldn't we conduct ourselves with all the appropriateness of one who is trying to follow Jesus?

Dreams and the Imagination of God

I have this one recurring theme in my dreams, and have been having it for a while.

I am behind the wheel, but my dream is not specific on where I am going. I'm cruising along, but suddenly I need to brake to avoid an obstacle (what this obstacle is varies on the dream), but no matter how early I brake or how hard I press down, I do not slow. I never stop in time.

Usually dreams don't mean a thing, just a collective mishmash of the day's conscious experience left unprocessed. The dreams which usually mean something either have nothing to do with the day's events, or recur constantly.

If I had to guess what it meant, it's about the fear of losing control, of being helpless beyond my limits. When I was younger was the first time I had this dream, and that fear of losing control had very real effects in my daily non-dream life. This was before I knew how to drive, obviously. Part of the reason I didn't get my license until really late is because I had a fear of driving due to my dream.

I never told anyone this of course, I'd get the whole "John, That's completely irrational" line. Yea I get it, it doesn't make sense to be afraid because of my imagination, but it doesn't make the effects any less real for me. Never underestimate the power of the mind's imagination.

I lived a lot of my life in fear and disappointment because of my imagination. I would imagine the perfect scenario or relationship in my head, and when it fell short (which it always did) I would be upset or angry because it is not what I expected. Conversely, I lived in fear because my mind would imagine terrible things happening to either myself or people around me. A beam falling and crushing someone, a random drive by shooting, and car accidents could happen at any moment for me because I would see them happening in my head so I would be prepared. The world in which I lived I saw to be chaotic. Death was around every corner. Why? I imagined it to be and so it was.

Human beings have the remarkable capability to shape their own reality. No two people hold the same reality, but the degree in which we are constrained to our own individual realities affects the quality of our lives. That said, than freedom is this: The ability to step out of your own created reality and step into "True Reality". What do I mean by True Reality? That reality which, if true, is true to the experience of all people regardless of how they perceive it.

If this then is what True Reality is, it is impossible to find. All experience is always already interpreted experience. Nothing is free from the taint our perspective brings. For example, take Barack Obama: Some see a President, some see a Black Man, some see a White Man, some see a Rival, some see a Compatriot, and others still a Father, Son, or Husband. They have all experienced THAT which Obama is, but all differ to WHAT he is. So you see, all of our Subjective Reality is based on a larger Objective reality, but sadly we can only go so far as discovering Objective Reality through the collective Subjective Realities. What science touts as "Objectivity" is only at best "Inter-Subjectivity".

So if all we know is Subjective Reality, then all of our perceived reality is based on a Larger reality we cannot see or experience. Just then what is the nature of such Objective Reality in which all our Reality is based? If we borrow Paul Tillich's idea that God is "The ground of all being", then "God" (I've put God in quotation marks because I am merely talking about the concept, not the Person) fits the bill as that reality which all other reality is based, Objective Reality or "True Reality". But why then do not all people experience "God"?

They do, but what they call "God" or even how they see "God" varies greatly. Again, "God" is to some a Savior, to others a Judge, and other's still a false hypothesis. The great flaw in subjective reality is that no one who remains in it will ever see or experience "God". "God" has infinite access into every Subjective Reality, for every Reality is based off of "God", but no Subjective Reality has access to "God" except through what "God" makes known to them.

How does that which is Objective communicate with those who are Subjective? This is imagination at work. I mentioned at the very beginning that just because I had imagined something did not nullify the realness of it's effects. The phrase which drew me into faith is this: "If you want proof that God exists, live like He does." Preposterous nonsense, or so I thought. I did it anyway because I was a "scientist" and had nothing to lose. Why not test a hypothesis? Instead of using my imagination for fear and disappointment, I focused it into imagining God. I kept watching and waiting for "God" to happen, ever attentive because I didn't want to miss it if it did. Despite my doubts, and after many "Was that You, God?"s, God did happen.

Strange how when you leave an opening, it tends to get filled. A window was opened on my end in which Objective Reality could enter in, and I was instantly removed from my Subjective bubble and connected to the world through that which Connects all things. To use a technical metaphor, I turned on my modem and was connected.

Not all imagination is bad imagination. Unlike my previous imaginations in which I had to continually tell myself "No, that's not real and won't happen", this one required a different faith. Instead I'm faced with this "imagination" of God, and must convince myself daily of His being Real. Again you may give me the "John, that is irrational" line. I admit it is, but like I said before, just because I imagined it, doesn't make it's effects any less real for me. I enjoy large benefits from my "imagination" that are not simply "pretend". As long as God remains real to me, then He will continue to be real.

Disclaimer: The following section contains Christian content and application and should not be viewed if you only wanted to read about philosophy. Scroll down to the second set of italics if you want to read on.

However, my imagination has a limit. I cannot imagine for other people. Therefore I cannot share this "God" I found with anyone else, and they would just have to take my word that "God" exists until they themselves begin the process of Imagining. How will they believe me when I tell them? Like I said, they will see the effects of my imagination in my life.

Example: A friend tells you he has a diamond ring in his pocket and is about to propose. When you ask him to see the ring, he refuses, saying "It is for his girl to see first". How do you know he is telling the truth? There are a few questions you could ask: Does he look nervous? Does he keep looking at his watch? Is he dressed nicely? Indeed, you merely only have to see the effects to deduce that his proposing is a reality.

That's the funniest thing about Christian evangelism today: It doesn't work. Simply telling someone that you believe in "God" is no evidence in and of itself, but rather living as if "God" was real is all the "evangelism" you need to get people asking questions. No one is a witness nowadays, everyone just talks about their imaginations every chance they get and try to convince each other what they imagine is better than another's. Questions like "How do I steer a conversation towards the Lord?" are completely unhelpful and covey a sense of insincerity in conversation. You aren't listening to the other person so much as waiting to pounce on them if they say anything remotely religious. Spiritual headhunting I'd call it.

When I think about "the woman at the well" as described in John 4, her witness was a very doubt filled question "Come, see a man who has told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" (John 4:29 NIV) She didn't even believe for herself first before telling others about the effect that meeting this man had on her! Her witness came out of doubt but hope that it was real, which is where I believe the most effective witness comes from. Something about what she did got an entire town to come and see for themselves, and I doubt it was her words alone, but the curiosity that they brought and the uncharacteristic nature of her actions (we could do a character study on her, but that would be another post). It was then that the whole town said "We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves." (John 4:42 NIV).

If I should ever down the road decide that "God is not real", it would be impossible me to forget "God" and would take faith for me to convince myself that "God is not real, stop thinking He is." Either way is faith, so why not take the faith the gives me the benefits? It's very pragmatic, I know, but it's the only thing I have to go on some days. I am glad I keep going because I remember what it was like to not have my imagination used in a positive way. It is as Peter said, "To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life" (John 6:68 NIV) This is not to say I am not free, as I am free to leave if I want, but I choose to remain.

This concludes the Christian segment.

If you were to ask me "Why believe in God?" I would simply reply "Why Not?" Even if all "God" was was a way to train the imagination to have a healthy and balanced world view, is that not reason in itself to say "God" is a healthy part of any relationship? The thing that "God" is so much more than I ever thought it would be and all because of my wild imagination. There is just something about expecting and waiting for something to happen that makes it all the more likely you'll see it come to pass. Call it wish fulfillment or divine providence or what have you, but the truth remains, "If you want proof that God exists, live like He does."

Now of course that begs the ever popular question of this age: Which "God" is the right God?