February 9, 2008

This was the day I became a Christian.  I know because I started my journal filled with reflections as a new Christian on that same day.  I wanted to share with you the first thing I ever wrote in my journal, a prayer to God.

2/9/08

God,  

This is my first time I've really done anything like this.  I'm a bit nervous, but I'll try to write as much as I can for you.  I came here looking for answers, I came looking for myself, but instead I've found you.  Sorry about not capitalizing You, I was never big into that, but I guess you already knew that. 

You made me the way I am.  You know my past and my future.  I know I'm not always a "model Christian" but I was never quite sure what that was anyway.  You know how hard it is to exude the values you teach in everything I do, and sometimes it would be a lot easier in society to not be a Christian, to not praise you. 

There was a time in my life where I thought this was true, where I doubted you and put you aside.  I tried to be "cool" and follow the crowd, but I fully couldn't let you go.  You finally showed me a revelation and changed my life. 

I see now how I can appreciate faith so much more from when I didn't have it.  I never knew the importance of faith, of religion, of know that there is a God above.  I guess I forgot how good the party was, so to speak. 

Thank you for leading me here so that I could get to know you better.  I bet you had this planned all along and that amazes me.  I was always a firm believer in that there is a reason behind everything, good and bad.  I see now how some of the struggles in my life have led me here.  I guess that is your gift to me and I thank you for it. For some things, though, I trust you will reveal to me in time. 

You understand my needs, you better than anyone I can talk to.  It does make me sad though that I couldn't have a relationship like that with my mom.  I really do want to get to know her, just like I'm getting to know you God.  It's my hope that you will continue to be with me in my life to come, that you can guide me when I need assistance.

By the way, my relationship with my mom was one of the first things God did for me.  He transformed it and me and my mom have never been closer.  It was actually quite a miracle, but that's another story.  I forgot that  it was something I prayed for my first day being a Christian.  Everyday He amazes me.