What Love Feels like

So I am heartbroken.

Today after the soup kitchen, I was waiting for the rest of my friends from church to get to the Shelter so we could pray and go in. While I was waiting, I met a man outside the shelter who was wondering if he was in the right place. I told him to just go on inside and they would let him in. However, he soon came back out and told me ,"They said they are full."

My heart dropped. Partly because I told him that they would let him in, and partly because I was looking at a man who had no place to rest his head for the night.

"God, help me figure out what to do!"

I struck up a conversation with him, and learned his name: Rainville. He was a Vietnam Era War Vet and ex-Middle School English teacher. He didn't say much and sometimes repeated the same questions, but I couldn't help but immediately like him. He was on his way into Boston so he would live and work at the Veterans Shelter there and just needed a place to spend the night. The only thing I had on me of any use to him was my car, so I offered him a ride to the nearest Shelter, or even to Boston if I had to. One problem: I have no idea where the nearest shelter is.

When Bob and the others arrived, I asked if they knew of any place. The closest one was in Salem, so we went inside LES and had Janet call the other shelter to see if they had room. Indeed they did. So it was off to Salem.

For most of the car ride over he commented on how nice my car was, and how cars back in the day weren't so nice. I really enjoyed his company. I even got lost a bit on the way there, but I didn't mind so much. Talking with Mr. Rainville was pretty relaxing.

When we got to where the shelter was, we couldn't quite find it. We stopped into Salem House of Pizza to ask if they knew where it was. I thought, "As long as we are here, let's get some pizza!" (to be honest, the food at the soup kitchen wasn't that great today so I really didn't eat much of it). It was only $3.87 for a small cheese pizza, which was more than enough for the two of us :) I said grace, and we ate. Not much was said, but I enjoyed the company. He used the bathroom after we finished and then we were on our way across the street.

I dropped him off at the shelter, and after making sure he had enough fare for the Bus into Boston and that there was bus station nearby, I left him to the care of the Salem Shelter. They didn't have a bed for him, but they had a chair and at least he was out of the cold. I really wanted more for him, but this was all they could do. I told him that I was really bad with goodbyes, and bid him farewell. He thanked me and I went out the door.

And then it hit me. My heart sank, but this time because I really missed him! My heart didn't want to leave him! I couldn't believe it, in the short hour I spent with him, my heart grew close to him. It felt as if I was leaving a very very close friend, knowing I wouldn't see him again. In one hour, he became my special friend who I looked after.  I couldn't bear the thought of leaving him nor could I turn turn back, else I would've never left. That is why I said I am heartbroken. I really miss Mr. Rainville.

Perhaps, then, this is what love feels like. Perhaps this is what it means to love someone.