Racial Reconciliation in a Racist Society

rac·ism

ˈrāˌsizəm/

noun

noun: racism

1.

the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, esp. so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.

Many people when asked what a racist looks like will point only to things like the KKK member or a Neo-Nazi.  They believe that racism only occurs when people are discriminated against or when hate crimes are committed.  While I do not doubt that these things are inherently racist, they encompass only a small part of what racism really is: a way of seeing the world as being divided into "races" each with defining characteristics. To that end I set out to show that in fact the entire American society in which we live is racist.

 We are brought up and socialized from a young age to see race.  We are taught to believe in the stereotypes that our society and media transmits.  "Asians are like this..." "Blacks are like that..." Those who come to America from other countries are quickly introduced to our race classification system.  A Nigerian coming to America will quickly find qualities and characteristics attributed to him on the basis of his skin color whereas a white Albanian will also find characteristics projected onto her much to both of their confusion.  We forge mental patterns and expectations to how a "white" person behaves and how a "black" person behaves and how "Asians" behave so much so that we coin terms like "Wigga" (A White person "acting Black"), "Twinkie" (An Asian person "acting White"), "Oreo" (A Black person "acting White") to describe them.  I hope that the ridiculousness of such a practice is self evident as the way a person behaves has little to do with their skin color and everything to do with the society in which they found themselves being raised.  A "Black man" born and raised in Japan cannot do anything but "act Asian" (specifically Japanese).  Is he any less of a Black man than an African American kid growing up in the heart of Philadelphia? They have nothing in common but their skin color, but yet are perceived to share commonalities in racist eyes.

I don't want to say that there is no basis for stereotypes, however there are some huge differences between observing patterns or cultural trends and making sweeping generalizations based on race.  "Asians are good at math" is a racist statement.  "Asians tend to do better than their peers in the area of math due to the culture's high value on education" is an observation based on empirical data.  "Black people love soul food like fried chicken and watermelon" is a racist statement.  "Blacks living in the south of the US more prevalently enjoy soul food as part of their historical and cultural heritage" is an observational statement.  Do you see the difference? Anytime we try to attribute any characteristic, whether positive or negative, to a given skin color (i.e. race), we are being racist.

And to tell you the truth, racism affects every single person who can be attributed a "race".  The statement that "White people are ignorant of other people groups" is a racist statement and does much injustice to those "white folk" whom I have known who are aware of their cultural context, especially those who have not grown up in America or have been missionaries to other countries. Of course I, as a Vietnamese/Scottish man, have met my share of culturally insensitive Whites.  However, I have also met my share of culturally insensitive Blacks, Hispanics, Latinos, Asians, etc. to the point where I can say confidently that cultural insensitivity has nothing to do with a person's skin color and more to do with their culture of origin and upbringing. All people, regardless of their own background, hold the capability to be racist and more often than not hold views that would be classified as racist.

Now that we are all on the same page and in the same racist boat (i.e. American society), where do we even start in taking about racial reconciliation because the fact of the matter is if you've ever experienced hurt or injury due to racism, it is more difficult to not think about yourself and the world in terms of race.  When a prominent pastor makes an off color joke that is offensive to Asian people, I find myself hurt not because the joke had anything to do with me or was even directed at me with malicious intent, but I am hurt because I realize "That's how he must see me."  When hurts are dealt to me for no other reason other than my "race", they internalize so that "my race" is now part of my identity, something that brands me as different or deficient or in some cases superior somehow.  We must never forget that "racism" was invented for to sole purpose of justifying the maltreatment and abuse of our fellow human beings in a manner most convenient to their oppressors whether it be in Colonial America or Nazi Germany or South Africa during the Apartheid or even in India's caste system. It's the same psychological wounding as when a child is abused sexually and starts to think of herself as a sexual object because her sense of self is broken.  

It is truly difficult to transcend race categories when you are continually hurt because people continue to view race as something real just as it is difficult for those who have been abused to break out of a victim/oppressor mindset while the abuse is ongoing.  Likewise, those victimized on account of their "race" will go on to view others in regards to their "race" and perpetuate the same faulty worldview that sees race as a valid category for people.  Racial wounds can only be healed when someone comes along and says "Listen, you are more than your skin color.  The amount of pigment in your skin has nothing to do with your personality or your humanity although people have made you feel that way.  You don't have to fit into anyone's expectations of you based on their perceptions of who you should be.  You have likes and dislikes, personality, and style different from anyone else on this planet let alone the same "race".  If anyone tries to tell you what you are or who to be based on how you look, you tell them one thing: 'I know who I am and who God made me to be'"

The only way I see forward towards racial reconciliation is this: We must stop thinking in terms of race.  We all do it consciously or unconsciously in our snap judgments and you know what? That's OK! That's what we've been conditioned to do. What isn't okay is not admitting to it so that we can learn and grow.  Trying to pretend you aren't racist in America is like pretending you aren't a sinner!  We must be humble enough when we hurt others due to racist thoughts to say "Hey, I have to confess that I have always thought [insert race here] were like [insert stereotype here] and I admit that I assumed that was true of you too without even getting to know you.  I am sorry that I did that, but I want the chance to get to know you for who you are."  They may be hurt at first (or already hurt because they are the ones who had the courage to bring it up to you in the first place), but humility and confession leads to reconciliation and understanding. We all must learn to stop ourselves when we catch ourselves making assumptions about others based on the way their skin color looks and then correct our assumptions.  It takes vigilance on our part to weed out racism and to adopt a new pattern of thinking and grace to forgive others when they err.  That is why I believe Jesus Christ is the only one who is the king of reconciliation with grace enough to help us all come to see each other not in terms of our skin color or nationality but as fellow children of God for he is the only one who tore down the dividing wall of hostility that separated us from God and each other.  He alone transforms our hearts and minds so that the only race left is the only one He created "The Human race".

When people ask me what race I am, I don't answer them anymore.  In the world's terms, I am "biracial", but most people when they see me just flag me as Asian.  I grew up in a Vietnamese home and thus have some Asian values and tendencies, but I also have been through the American school system and have many "white" ones as well.  In my neighborhood were many Black and Puerto Rican families.  Being biracial and growing up in a multicultural environment you realize that you are never fully anything and a little bit of everything.  My behaviors are eclectic and mixed, borrowing from every culture I've come in contact with.  My experiences in life are few, but varied.  In any given situation people might say I'm "acting black" or "acting white", but in reality I'm just being myself.  I am not any race. I am John Dao. Pleased to meet you!

Biblical Feminism

In my mind there has been a great tragedy that has taken place in our society under the guise of equality. Our young girls are being told that in order to be successful women they must be independent, make their own money, have a successful career, be sexually assertive/liberated, compartmentalize her emotions but still be tender, raise a family, keep a well ordered house, and have dinner on the table by 5 o'clock. And how have our young men responded to this "We Can Do It" mentality? "Alright, you can do it." 

Somehow as a culture, we have shifted all of our expectations from our sons to our daughters so that they shoulder all the weight and responsibility whilst our sons prolong adolescence simply because nothing is demanded of them. Men have lost their role in society while women do all the work because "it's more equal" this way. What we are telling our daughters is that "you must be men and be women too" and we are telling our sons "Go outside and play while mother takes care of business". Women aren't allowed to feel like women because they are too busy being men also, and men don't feel like men because they are busy being boys. This isn't equal at all.

Before the second wave of women's liberation hit in the 1960s-1980s, women were expected to be in the home while then men worked and attained higher education.  Due to gender bias, men were viewed as having a more important role in society while women were relegated to a more docile and subservient role.  Any life a woman had, she had inside her home but her life revolved around her husband and her family.

The second wave of feminism sought to address this, but in my view has only perpetuated an undervaluing of femininity. To elaborate, second wave feminism sought to push women into the workforce to show that women can compete in "a man's world".  But there is a large and unintended consequence in that the value of a housewife, instead of being elevated in society, was only further diminished.  Women who did not prove their worth by competing with men in the marketplace and chose the subservient role were looked upon as enslaved, as if they are less than women who broke free from the mold.  However, the hidden message is that women must prove themselves equal to men by showing society that they can do all that men can do.  That is how women will become important and equal with men.

Take a step back.  What kind of mentality is this?  It is one which assumes that women are less to begin with and must prove and fight and struggle to become equal.  It is a mentality which states that a man's role in society is more important than the woman's role (traditionally) so a woman must claw her way up the ranks of men to make something of herself.  Who typically has this mentality?  People who have been oppressed and treated as lesser always feel that they must prove themselves, to fight and struggle.  African Americans face this same mentality in feeling they have to make something of themselves in the "White World" and be successful according to "White standards" and African American women twice over.  We as a society today still honor the man's role over the woman's role, its just that we have women competing to be counted equal among men on the man's playing field according the the rules men set up.  It is no wonder women struggle to prove themselves in this arena (though some certainly have succeeded).

The irony is that few men feel like they have the need to prove themselves in the woman's world of running a household, raising kids, or cooking dinner.  If a guy is a stay at home dad, it is usually because it is out of necessity or because he is out of work or maybe out of enjoyment, but never because he wants to prove that he can make it in a woman's world.  Men don't feel the need to be "equal" with women in this arena because we know women just do it better and we're fine with that.  That is why you find studies showing that although more women are entering the workforce, the amount of men staying at home remains virtually unchanged.  Women are performing both roles.

I want to compare women in America (who have historically been oppressed) to women elsewhere who have not been made to feel inferior but instead honored and valued.  Most often in these societies, the men go off together to hunt or build or gather resources, taking most of the day leaving the women the role of cooking, cleaning, and looking after children. This is out of necessity.  The value of the woman in society is unquestionable as without her, the men cannot do their jobs either as they cannot both be home and away (which is expected of women in America to both work and tend the house resulting in much of the household running to be outsourced).  Their value is immeasurable and the differentiation of roles allows their society to function as a whole.  If they did not do what was expected of them, it was life or death.  A woman was resourceful and hardworking, faithful and diligent to the task at hand, responsible, wise, and discerning. A good woman was esteemed by many (particularly her husband) and found pride in her abilities and her work.  If she needed to work to bring in more resources for the family (say selling fish at the market), she did so with pride and with her kids in tow.

And was she docile and subservient? At times when she deemed it appropriate, but never would her opinion not be heard especially when it comes to family matters.  Her husband may make the decision, but always in consideration to her wishes and insight.  She is respected as an authority in her own right and older women are often revered in the community as leaders for their wisdom and guidance.  She doesn't feel the need to prove her importance in society, she knows that she is important not in spite of being a woman, but because she is a woman.  Her femininity is a strength to her, not a hurdle to overcome, and she is empowered and a force in her own right.

Feminism, in an ironic way, has treated femininity as an obstacle rather than something to be affirmed and embraced.  Women are to be respected for what they are, not for what they think they should be.  They shouldn't be made to feel like they have to compete with men to receive esteem and recognition, but instead be honored for the amazing, resourceful, intelligent, wise, discerning, and hardworking people they already are.  As a man, I must apologize for us all in how we've taken women for granted and have oppressed and devalued you.  I am sorry that we've forced you to try and find your worth outside of who you are as women.  You are invaluable to us and we appreciate you deeply.  Through thick and thin, you have been our faithful companions helping us out of sticky situations time and time again. Thanks for being you!

So in short, let's all work to honor and value women for who God made them to be, starting with the ones closest to us. Let's empower women the right way by allowing them to feel the honor and prestige of being a woman instead of only honoring them when they perform as men or only for their looks (another topic that deserves a separate apology).  You women are awesome.  Stay classy ladies!

I want to just leave off with some verses of Scripture which really capture and affirm women. Probably the only time I'm going to quote the Message, but I like their take on Proverbs 31:10-31:

10 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. 11 Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. 12 Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. 13 She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. 14 She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. 15 She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. 16 She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden. 17 First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. 18 She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. 19 She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. 20 She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. 21 She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. 22 She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. 23 Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. 24 She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. 25 Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. 26 When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. 27 She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. 28 Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: 29 "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!" 30 Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. 31 Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!