Somehow as a culture, we have shifted all of our expectations from our sons to our daughters so that they shoulder all the weight and responsibility whilst our sons prolong adolescence simply because nothing is demanded of them. Men have lost their role in society while women do all the work because "it's more equal" this way. What we are telling our daughters is that "you must be men and be women too" and we are telling our sons "Go outside and play while mother takes care of business". Women aren't allowed to feel like women because they are too busy being men also, and men don't feel like men because they are busy being boys. This isn't equal at all.
Before the second wave of women's liberation hit in the 1960s-1980s, women were expected to be in the home while then men worked and attained higher education. Due to gender bias, men were viewed as having a more important role in society while women were relegated to a more docile and subservient role. Any life a woman had, she had inside her home but her life revolved around her husband and her family.
The second wave of feminism sought to address this, but in my view has only perpetuated an undervaluing of femininity. To elaborate, second wave feminism sought to push women into the workforce to show that women can compete in "a man's world". But there is a large and unintended consequence in that the value of a housewife, instead of being elevated in society, was only further diminished. Women who did not prove their worth by competing with men in the marketplace and chose the subservient role were looked upon as enslaved, as if they are less than women who broke free from the mold. However, the hidden message is that women must prove themselves equal to men by showing society that they can do all that men can do. That is how women will become important and equal with men.
Take a step back. What kind of mentality is this? It is one which assumes that women are less to begin with and must prove and fight and struggle to become equal. It is a mentality which states that a man's role in society is more important than the woman's role (traditionally) so a woman must claw her way up the ranks of men to make something of herself. Who typically has this mentality? People who have been oppressed and treated as lesser always feel that they must prove themselves, to fight and struggle. African Americans face this same mentality in feeling they have to make something of themselves in the "White World" and be successful according to "White standards" and African American women twice over. We as a society today still honor the man's role over the woman's role, its just that we have women competing to be counted equal among men on the man's playing field according the the rules men set up. It is no wonder women struggle to prove themselves in this arena (though some certainly have succeeded).
The irony is that few men feel like they have the need to prove themselves in the woman's world of running a household, raising kids, or cooking dinner. If a guy is a stay at home dad, it is usually because it is out of necessity or because he is out of work or maybe out of enjoyment, but never because he wants to prove that he can make it in a woman's world. Men don't feel the need to be "equal" with women in this arena because we know women just do it better and we're fine with that. That is why you find studies showing that although more women are entering the workforce, the amount of men staying at home remains virtually unchanged. Women are performing both roles.
I want to compare women in America (who have historically been oppressed) to women elsewhere who have not been made to feel inferior but instead honored and valued. Most often in these societies, the men go off together to hunt or build or gather resources, taking most of the day leaving the women the role of cooking, cleaning, and looking after children. This is out of necessity. The value of the woman in society is unquestionable as without her, the men cannot do their jobs either as they cannot both be home and away (which is expected of women in America to both work and tend the house resulting in much of the household running to be outsourced). Their value is immeasurable and the differentiation of roles allows their society to function as a whole. If they did not do what was expected of them, it was life or death. A woman was resourceful and hardworking, faithful and diligent to the task at hand, responsible, wise, and discerning. A good woman was esteemed by many (particularly her husband) and found pride in her abilities and her work. If she needed to work to bring in more resources for the family (say selling fish at the market), she did so with pride and with her kids in tow.
And was she docile and subservient? At times when she deemed it appropriate, but never would her opinion not be heard especially when it comes to family matters. Her husband may make the decision, but always in consideration to her wishes and insight. She is respected as an authority in her own right and older women are often revered in the community as leaders for their wisdom and guidance. She doesn't feel the need to prove her importance in society, she knows that she is important not in spite of being a woman, but because she is a woman. Her femininity is a strength to her, not a hurdle to overcome, and she is empowered and a force in her own right.
Feminism, in an ironic way, has treated femininity as an obstacle rather than something to be affirmed and embraced. Women are to be respected for what they are, not for what they think they should be. They shouldn't be made to feel like they have to compete with men to receive esteem and recognition, but instead be honored for the amazing, resourceful, intelligent, wise, discerning, and hardworking people they already are. As a man, I must apologize for us all in how we've taken women for granted and have oppressed and devalued you. I am sorry that we've forced you to try and find your worth outside of who you are as women. You are invaluable to us and we appreciate you deeply. Through thick and thin, you have been our faithful companions helping us out of sticky situations time and time again. Thanks for being you!
So in short, let's all work to honor and value women for who God made them to be, starting with the ones closest to us. Let's empower women the right way by allowing them to feel the honor and prestige of being a woman instead of only honoring them when they perform as men or only for their looks (another topic that deserves a separate apology). You women are awesome. Stay classy ladies!
I want to just leave off with some verses of Scripture which really capture and affirm women. Probably the only time I'm going to quote the Message, but I like their take on Proverbs 31:10-31:
10 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. 11 Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. 12 Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. 13 She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. 14 She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. 15 She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. 16 She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden. 17 First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. 18 She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. 19 She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. 20 She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. 21 She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. 22 She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. 23 Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. 24 She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. 25 Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. 26 When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. 27 She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. 28 Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: 29 "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!" 30 Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. 31 Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!
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