Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Awaiting Judgment

There's that feeling again.  It's a feeling I know all to well for how short I've lived.  It's the feeling you get when your completely and absolutely mess up and hurt someone.  It's the position of utter helplessness in face of what you've done because you know in your heart there is nothing that can take back what was done.  It's the feeling when you stand before the judge, guilty as charged.

You want to hide but there is no escape.  You want to run but the feeling stays with you no matter how fast or how far.  Nothing you can do to remove this feeling, nothing at all.  You can put yourself down, beat yourself up over it, if it helps you feel better, but there is only one power in the whole world that can combat it.

Forgiveness.

Do you feel like I do?  My guilt rests heavy upon my head, my punishment too much to bear, but I heard somewhere there was a cure for this.

But as of now, this wretched man, no not even a man, but a boy, must accept the consequences of his actions.  That is the only thing I can do, and indeed it is the right thing to do.  So for now I'm

Awaiting Judgment.

Pray for me brothers, as I need more grace than I thought.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Shadow Am I by mewithoutYou

It's the smell of hot summertime trash.
It's the city noise of a busy street.
It's a train derailed and two car head 
on freeway crash each time we meet.
"and if it comes as some sort of surprise," 
she said "that I seem so composed, I've 
kept this moment closer to my eyes," she 
said,"than the glasses resting on the
edge of my nose."

Shadow am I! Shadow am I!
A question of a person, no said reply
Wolf am I! 
Wolf and shadow cast on the sheep as I pass by.
Shadow am I! Shadow am I!
or like a wearing-black-socks-and-white-woolen-locks
Wolf am I! 
And shadow.

She was graceful and green as a stem,
but I walk heavy on delicate ground.
Oh, there I go showing off again.
Self-impressed by how well I can put myself down...
and there I go again, to the next further removed 
level of that same exact feigned humility,and this 
for me goes on and on to the point of nausea

Shadow am I!
Like a suspicion that's never confirmed but it's never denied
Wolf am I!
No, "shadow" I think is better,
cuz I'm not something more like the absence of something
So Shadow am I!

The whole material world seems to me like a 
newspaper headline.It explicitly demands your
attention and it may even contain some truth...
but what's really going on here?

One day the water's gunna wash it away
One day the water's gunna wash it away
One day the water's gunna wash it away
and on that day...
One day the water's gunna wash it away
One day the water's gunna wash it away
Nothing clever to say. 
One day. 
Nothing else to say.