Awaiting Judgment

There's that feeling again.  It's a feeling I know all to well for how short I've lived.  It's the feeling you get when your completely and absolutely mess up and hurt someone.  It's the position of utter helplessness in face of what you've done because you know in your heart there is nothing that can take back what was done.  It's the feeling when you stand before the judge, guilty as charged.

You want to hide but there is no escape.  You want to run but the feeling stays with you no matter how fast or how far.  Nothing you can do to remove this feeling, nothing at all.  You can put yourself down, beat yourself up over it, if it helps you feel better, but there is only one power in the whole world that can combat it.

Forgiveness.

Do you feel like I do?  My guilt rests heavy upon my head, my punishment too much to bear, but I heard somewhere there was a cure for this.

But as of now, this wretched man, no not even a man, but a boy, must accept the consequences of his actions.  That is the only thing I can do, and indeed it is the right thing to do.  So for now I'm

Awaiting Judgment.

Pray for me brothers, as I need more grace than I thought.