Everyday is a dying

"There is a pretended boldness for Christ that arises from no better principle than pride. A man may be forward to expose himself to the dislike of the world, and even to provoke their displeasure, out of pride. For ’tis the nature of spiritual pride to cause men to seek distinction and singularity; and so oftentimes to set themselves at war with those that they call carnal, that they may be more highly exalted among their party. True boldness for Christ is universal and overcomes all, and carries ‘em above the displeasure of friends and foes; so that they will forsake all rather than Christ and will rather offend all parties, and be thought meanly of by all, than offend Christ. And that duty tries whether a man is willing to be despised by them that are of his own party, and thought the least worthy to be regarded by them, is a much more proper trial of his boldness for Christ, than his being forward to expose himself to the reproach of opposers." -Jonathan Edwards (Religious Affections)

"I now come to that part of Christian morals where they differ most sharply from all other morals. There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; which every one in the world loathes when he sees it in someone else; and of which hardly any people, except Christians, ever imagine that they are guilty themselves. I have heard people admit that they are bad-tempered, or that they cannot keep their heads about girls or drink, or even that they are cowards. I do not think I have ever heard anyone who was not a Christian accuse himself of this vice. And at the same time I have very seldom met anyone, who was not a Christian, who showed the slightest mercy to it in others. There is no fault which makes a man more unpopular, and no fault which we are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others." -C.S Lewis (Mere Christianity)

Two of the greatest thinkers in Christianity both realize the danger of pride in the religious life.  I myself know of it's dangers and how subversive pride can be, hiding right under all my praise and worship and good deeds corrupting me from within.  I live pride.  It has infected every fiber of my being, in every thought and action.  The extent to which it reaches makes it hard for me to distinguish what is me and what is pride in me.

I will never forget the day I realized that secretly I, while claiming salvation, had been all along competing with my fellow Christians.  In my warped mind, I was the only Christian who knew what he was doing.  Everyone else was the problem and I was a one man revolution, God's gift to Christianity.  It sounds ridiculous, and I am ashamed and utterly embarrassed to admit such things, but I actually believed it.  Moreover, far beyond believing in my own holiness before God, I treated others with contempt all the while believing I was saved and doing good.  What a wretched person I am! But oh how sweet true grace really is?

I used to dislike the Pharisees until I found out that I was one.  It was actually the words CS Lewis wrote that God used to knock me on the ground and peel the scales back from my eyes.  And I was stunned.  I had no words to say, speechless before God.  Though I claimed life, I was dead.  Though I professed Christ, I hated him and was in enmity with God.  And yet, God in his great mercy stopped me from falling over that cliff.

So does arrogance in others bother you?  If you respond in hostility towards them you have not yet realized your own pride.  Once you identify pride, you will know forever what it feels like.  Pride has a certain unmistakable smell, so even when it is unseen it is now to me detectable because that is how intimate me and Pride are.  We are entwined in constant battle.  Everyday when you see me, you do not see what I struggle to fight inside of me.  Everyday is a dying.